I'm on-call today till Easter Sunday... so far, not too bad. My OB patients must love me because they've all decided to come on the days/nights that I'm on-call... how convenient that I don't have to come in on other nights to deliver their babies hehe. :) I got called last night right before going to Good Friday service by one of my fellow residents saying one of my OB patients came in... so I was anxious all night waiting for her call to tell me to come and deliver the baby... but my patient wasn't complete (completely dilated to 10cm) until AFTER I was at work this morning and had just finished rounding on all my other patients... talk about convenient. And then the 8 lb 9oz baby just slid right out. I've been getting some huge babies lately... the last being 10 lbs 8 oz! How these women push these humongous babies out... I don't know. Some women just have the birthing hips and the elasticity I guess =P And then I really enjoy suturing up their lacerations... not that I want them to tear but when they do, it's actually really fun to suture them up... it's like a piece of artwork. I know it sounds weird... and gross... but hey, I have to find joy in the things I do.

I know I was dreading being back on my call schedule every 4 nights... but so far, 1 week has passed and this is my "black weekend" (working both saturday and sunday) but it's actually been much more fun and interesting than in the past. Maybe it's my attitude... maybe I'm more confident now than I was before... my first time being on the family medicine inpatient service, I think I had palpitations and tachycardia everytime I had to hold the pager and go into the ER! Maybe that's why I lose weight when I'm oncall... I'm always having an adrenaline rush.

Let's see.. what else can I ramble about... (I'm 10.5 hrs done with my call, only ~18 more hrs to go! hehe) Married life has been good... everyone always asks me, "how's married life?" To be honest, it's not easy... but I can say very truthfully that it has been GOOD... Sure, it's tough going from being a very independent single woman to being married in such a short amnt of time... and having to always take into account another person into my time, my finances, my schedule. If you know me, you know how I book my schedules... every free moment I have a tendency to squeeze in a million girl dates b/c I do love my girls and my girl-time. :) It drives Dan crazy that I tend to book every free moment with SOMEone hehe. And marriage is hard b/c you're called to serve and love the other person... not just to co-exist and live with them. And serving someone that you see 24/7 (or at least theoretically) is hard... but you know, lately I haven't felt that way. When I can get up early to cook Dan breakfast or come home in time to make him dinner or do laundry or something of the sort, I see how much he enjoys the food or clean clothes and how much joy he takes in that and it gives me such joy and grows my desire to do more for him. There's always so much more I want to do for him than I have time and energy for. And I know Dan does the same for me... he really does delight in cooking for me (and he's getting better and better at it.. im pleasantly surprised), in doing ALL the cleaning/grooming/caring for our guinea pigs, in cleaning (though i know he gets annoyed by my messiness), etc. I guess this must be like a teeny tiny portion of how God loves us... or even how our parents love us... they take so much joy in OUR delight in the things they give us and do for us.

Now our youth group kids make fun of us (well in addition to the english ministry people) at church because Dan complains jokingly about how I always ask him to share about his "feelings".  Because I do... quite frequently... that's how I operate... I need to have deep intimate conversations with my hubby (also with my friends) about how we're doing, how we're feeling... and just connect. And I process as I share. He's definitely not used to this... and neither are his brothers. They think its really funny that I make him share about his feelings and they say it's amazing that he actually does it with me b/c prior to marriage, they would never have imagined he could be like that and also be so affectionate haha. But I am thankful that even though it's not natural for him and it definitely takes a huge amnt of effort on his part to connect on the level I want, he does so b/c he knows it's impt to me. Dan says this is one of the things I've challenged him with in marriage... connecting on this level with ppl in general, sharing about his thoughts/feelings/spiritual walk, praying together and for each other on a regular basis, etc. While on my part, I'm learning by his example of honoring his and my parents, his patience (compared to him, I'm really impatient and i get frustrated pretty often... it's funny... sometimes I'm so frustrated about something I actually roar... yes I do... and he'll say, woman, patience!), his ability to not worry but to trust in God even when I think it's really a worrying matter, his generous giving nature - or rather, his gift of giving, and his servant's heart. I know we all look for "spiritual leaders" when we look for the perfect/right guy... I sure did. And many times, I thought... nah...  it wouldn't work out... I don't think he's a spiritual leader to me. Of course, this is very important if you're Christian and you want a husband who will be a spiritual leader for you... but what criteria are we basing this judgment of spiritual leader or not on? Something to think about. Dan is nowhere even near being perfect (neither am I)... but I know that in the course of dating him and now being married to him, I've learned that he really seeks wisdom and discernment from God and really desires that, he gently (he's been getting much better at this "gently" part) corrects me when I'm wrong and points out areas in which I need to trust God more, he's teachable and is influenced and changed by God's Word as well as to some degree what I point out to him, and he has a very large loving and generous heart. I've seen how he deals with my dad through his frustrations - how he really respects and honors my dad even if he disagrees, how he stands up for me and for us with my dad when need be, how he wisely keeps quiet when needed and at those times seeks wisdom from God as to how he should respond to my dad, etc. That's really encouraging to me. We both have so many areas we want to grow in, things we want to let go of, dreams and visions we have to do things for God -- but it's exciting that we can do it together and share in those things, even when they're not always exactly the same things. It forms a bigger, larger picture than what each of us was thinking on our own... I guess we'll see where God leads...

Ok enough for now... I should check on some lab results and such for my patients =P hehe... thanks xanga (and those of you out there) for listening to me ramble.